Where to begin?
It wasn’t just one particular moment that I looked in the mirror and decided to change. It was little moments, added together. Most of them frustration, sadness, and just an overall feeling of unhappiness. I was in a relationship that didn’t excite or inspire me. I was drinking a lot and had no energy or motivation to do anything besides my routine of school and work. I used to be active, healthy, and motivated. What had happened? How did I let myself get this far?
Reflection and turning inward helped me find the courage and the motivation to change my life. The first choice I made was to leave my partner and the house that we shared. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I still had so much love for him, but I knew that it wasn’t right for me. By making the choice to move into a healthier environment, I realized it was time to make other healthy choices.
I soon started to change my diet, eliminating carbs and cheese. I began to exercise daily. At first, I absolutely hated it. It was hard to lug around 220lbs. But the more I kept at it, the more comfortable I felt in my body. See, it had been years since I actually paid attention to my body– how it felt, how it moved, how it reacted to certain foods. I started a healthy relationship with my body, learning new things about it and loving it just as it was. Of course, there were times that I hated myself and my body for getting as big and unhealthy as I had. But those feelings kept me motivated, and I didn’t judge those feelings: I noticed them, sat with them, and thanked them.
I believe the start to becoming healthy, physically, emotionally, and mentally, is by first starting a conversation with yourself. Ask those hard questions like; How did I get here? What am I feeling when I make an unhealthy decision? How does my body feel after that decision? Recognize what comes up when you ask those questions. Don’t judge yourself for the feelings that arise, or for what you ate yesterday, or for what exercise you skipped out on. The great thing about life is that tomorrow is a new day. Every single morning you get to start over.
At times I still struggle with self worth and self confidence. These are normal human emotions that come up. I’ve learned that It is how we face these feelings that matter. If we have the WILLINGNESS to look inside ourselves and figure out what change we need to make to become a healthier person (not just physically but mentally, spiritually, and emotionally), and if we have the courage to participate in our lives we will witness that change.